This is 30
1 chilly swim, 2 big dresses, 3 cakes and lots of peonies. Looking back and forward.
As a child I used to moan about my birthday month for it was always in the throes of GSCE’s, A levels, music and drama exams. Now I adore the month of May, it kicks off with a ruthless Met Gala scroll and then settles into the middle of the all too brief peony season.
Such bouncy blooms they are in shades of punchy pinks the size of your fist, they smack you with the reminder that you’re on the cusp of summer with such unashamed joy! Peonies are borderline ostentatious compared to their contemporary in season flowers. There’s nothing polite about them, even as they fade they delicately shrivel like tissue paper before dropping weighty petals with a gentle thump. Luckily they turned up in juicy bouquets and adorned homemade cakes for my birthday; absolute bliss for me, absolute hell for my hay fever suffering housemate — apologies Ella.
I made up for parties I had to park in my teens thoughout my twenties. I loved planning the cocktail I was going to serve, what to wear, which restaurant to go to etc. but there was something about throwing a 30th bash that gave me the heebie jeebies which felt extra off because I was genuinely looking forward to turning 30. I’ve always felt a little older than my years and thirty feels just about right for now. I wholeheartedly adore other people’s birthday parties though, so why the internal fuss about mine this year?
Well that’s just it, I didn’t want any fuss. I didn’t want to have to spend too much money nor did I want others to. I didn’t want yet another WhatsApp group or a nauseating theme. I’d been travelling a lot for work in the lead up so quite honestly wanted low stakes with high impact. When a last minute wedding invitation arrived in my inbox on the same date I breathed a sigh of relief and leapt at the chance of spending a few hours in one of my favourite places in London, the Hampstead Heath ponds.
The morning of my 30th kicked off with a tuneful rendition of happy birthday by my nephew, sister and Mum on Facetime followed by tea with friends and their beautiful baby in the garden before loading up the car with towels and a picnic. Some friends jumped in the chilly waters willingly, one cautiously, a couple horrified, others briskly dipped in and out, one dived in headfirst optimistically trying to get rid of a cold (?!), some swerved it all together. It didn’t matter, pond or no pond, just to be outside together under the shelter of trees on thankfully the hottest day of the year was the ultimate treat.
We shared sausage rolls, pastries, cake, fizz, strawberries, juice, bagels, bikinis and suncream. I cried with joy at a friend’s happy news. I swerved a speech when asked and replied the only way a millennial knows how to with, “I want to be thirty, flirty and thriving”. That was all. We inched into the dappled shade and before we knew it, it was time to return home to prepare for the wedding. I clambered into the car high on sugar and happiness and muttered to my husband, “That was the perfect birthday”. I still got to wear a frock and drink cocktails and dance that night, but this time it was in honour of celebrating a giddy new union and it was all the better for it. Sometimes you want a big fandango and sometimes you don’t. Maybe turning thirty means feeling good in your decisions rather than constantly questioning them. That would be nice. I’ll get back to you on that in my fourties.
The following day I wore my all time favourite happy frock (explored further here) to lunch with family. If a white peony were a dress, she is just that — frothy, layered, poofy but mostly fun. At first my husband gave a little laugh when he initially saw my dress after I jokingly declared “I am actually an introvert”, but he quickly understood the power of this dress when he witnessed countless compliments I received in it.
It’s exactly the outfit my younger self would have wanted me to wear for my thirtieth birthday, accessorised with two red foil balloons of course, one for each nephew. After receiving one kind comment from a lady in a coffee shop on my attire I thanked her and explained that it was my birthday, that the balloons were for my nephews and excused my look saying “I don’t normally look like this!” She cheerfully responded with, “Well it looks like you do!”, and you know what maybe I should? I quite literally road tested my younger self dressing theory and it served. I would love to see your version of said styling if you feel comfortable to do so. Drop me a message and spread the joy!
But back to peonies, the favourite flower of my dear late friend Emily. As mentioned in an earlier post , four girlfriends and I shall be walking the Three Peaks challenge this Saturday in honour of Em. When it came to designing merchandise we instantly knew we had to somehow sneak peonies in there. Luckily we’re raising money for the Lady Garden Foundation so it made perfect sense, plus we have talented friend and graphic designer Hamish Whitworth on board who brought our pink vision to life.
Never did I think I’d be kicking off my thirties with a physical challenge, we’re not the sportiest bunch you see. I have self indulgent moments where I wish I never had to do it in the first place, but then I’m reminded of Em’s radiant positivity, of the overwhelming fundraising support we’ve received and how the money we’ve raised is going to impact, help and maybe even save other women’s lives. That’s what has got us through the early morning training sessions on the torturous stepper machine and hopefully what will get us up those bleeding peaks.
So this is 30. After losing Em so young it only reaffirms the blessing of getting older. My thirties seem like they’re going to be more about others rather than myself which feels hella good — self employment + modelling + twenties= me, me, me. Thirties are about dialling in rather than expanding. I’m hoping I’ll wear heels more regularly à la Carrie Bradshaw (she is 32 in season 1-there’s still time). I’m hoping my fourth decade gives more intention and less fucks. So this is 30.
If you would like to donate to our Three Peaks challenge please click here.
Happy 30th <3